You've Tried Everything for Your Sleep, But Nothing Works.
As a UKIHCA Registered Health Coach, CBT-I Practitioner, and recovering insomniac, I've discovered the surprising truth about what really improves sleep quality.
If you're reading this after another night of tossing and turning, you're not alone. You've probably tried everything: fancy sleep trackers, all the supplements, blackout curtains, ear plus, white noise machines, meditation apps, and every piece of sleep advice the internet has to offer. Yet you are still struggling.
I know this frustration because I’ve lived with it. As someone who has gone from experiencing chronic insomnia to now having more restful nights I know first hand how it feels to be awake when you don’t want to be. And the thing that finally changed it all for me was CBT-I. So as part of my journey into Health Coaching I decided to train as CBT-I practitioner and I want to share why most sleep advice fails and what actually works.
The Problem with Most Sleep Advice
Here's the thing: trying harder to sleep makes sleep worse.
Most sleep advice focuses on "sleep hygiene"—keeping your bedroom cool, avoiding caffeine, limiting screen time. And most health advice might focus on diet, nutrients, lifestyle for example. While these factors matter, they're like washing your hands to prevent infection. Essential? Yes. Enough to cure pneumonia once you have it? Absolutely not.
Sleep hygiene misses the real issues behind chronic sleep problems: the learned behaviours and thought patterns that keep your brain wired for alertness when it should be winding down.
The Sleep Paradox: Why Trying to Control Sleep Backfires
Sleep is a biological process that happens naturally when conditions are right—much like digestion or healing. You can't force yourself to sleep any more than you can force yourself to digest faster.
The more we try to control sleep, the more elusive it becomes. It's like trying to catch a shy animal —the harder you chase, the further it runs. But create the right environment and wait patiently, and it will come to you.
This paradox is at the heart of most sleep difficulties. When we lie in bed trying to will ourselves to sleep, we create the exact opposite conditions needed for rest: mental and physical arousal.
Understanding the Insomnia Cycle
Chronic insomnia often starts with a period of poor sleep—something we all experience occasionally due to stress, illness, or life changes. The problem develops when we become anxious about not sleeping well.
This anxiety creates a vicious cycle:
Poor sleep leads to worry about sleep
Worry increases alertness and physical arousal
Increased arousal makes sleep even more difficult
Worse sleep increases anxiety about sleep... and the cycle continues
This explains why insomnia can persist long after the original trigger (like a stressful project or relationship issue) has resolved.
The Gold Standard Solution You've Might Never Heard Of
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is the most effective long-term treatment for chronic sleep problems. It's recommended as the first-line treatment by sleep medicine experts worldwide, yet a lots of people have never heard of it.
Unlike sleeping pills, which often lose effectiveness over time and can create dependency, CBT-I addresses the root causes of sleep problems. Research shows 70-80% of people with chronic insomnia improve with CBT-I, and the benefits last long after treatment ends.
CBT-I works by addressing four key areas:
1. Sleep Rescheduling
This involves temporarily limiting time in bed to build up "sleep pressure" and improve sleep efficiency. If you're only sleeping 6 hours but spending 9 hours in bed, you'll initially go to bed later or wake up earlier to match your actual sleep time.
2. Stimulus Control
This rebuilds the association between your bed and sleep. The rule is simple: if you're awake in bed for more than 15-20 minutes, get up and do a quiet activity elsewhere until you feel sleepy again.
3. Cognitive Restructuring
This addresses the anxious thoughts that fuel insomnia—like "I'll never function tomorrow if I don't sleep" or "I should be asleep by now." These thoughts create the alertness that prevents sleep. We also discuss beliefs how the impact of sleep on our health and how much we really need, I’ve written a blog specifically addressing the myth of 8 hours sleep.
4. Relaxation Techniques
These help reduce physical tension and mental racing that interfere with the natural transition to sleep.
The Hormone Connection
If you're a woman in your 40s or 50s experiencing new sleep difficulties, hormonal changes might be playing a role. Perimenopause and menopause significantly impact sleep through:
Hot flashes and night sweats that fragment sleep
Hormonal fluctuations affecting sleep architecture
Increased risk of sleep-disordered breathing
Mood changes that can worsen sleep anxiety
The good news? CBT-I can be adapted to address these hormone-related sleep challenges, often providing significant improvement even when hot flashes persist.
What Really Works: Evidence-Based Strategies You Can Start Tonight
1. Master Your Circadian Rhythm
Your internal biological clock is primarily set by light exposure, not your bedtime routine. The most powerful strategy? Wake up at the same time every day—yes, even weekends.
Get 15-30 minutes of morning light exposure to help regulate melatonin production. This single habit can dramatically improve your sleep-wake cycle.
2. Rethink Your Relationship with Sleep
Stop trying to control sleep and start creating conditions where it can happen naturally. Think of yourself as a gardener, not a mechanic—you're nurturing the right environment, not fixing a broken machine.
3. Address Racing Thoughts Before Bedtime
Schedule 30 minutes of "worry time" earlier in the evening. Write down concerns and action steps, then close the notebook. When thoughts arise at bedtime, remind yourself you've already addressed them. Also remember there are lots of different methods to help address racing thoughts, so if this doesn’t work for you, explore other options such as drawing or expressing yourself creatively, deep breathing or journalling.
4. Use Your Bed Only for Sleep (and Intimacy)
No scrolling social media, watching TV, or solving tomorrow's problems in bed. This helps your brain associate your bed with sleep, not alertness.
Supporting Your Sleep with Nutrition
While behavioural changes address the root causes of sleep problems, certain foods and herbal teas can provide additional support, but as I’ve said at the beginning of this article, these are things to complement, not things that will solve a chronic sleep issue.
Sleep-promoting foods:
Tart cherry juice (natural melatonin source)
Almonds and walnuts (magnesium and tryptophan)
Kiwi fruit (supports serotonin production)
Fatty fish (omega-3s for sleep quality)
Dark leafy greens, nuts and seeds (high in magnesium to support muscle relaxation and nervous system calm)
Herbal options:
Chamomile tea for its mild calming effects
When to Seek Professional Help
Consider working with a sleep specialist or CBT-I practitioner if:
Sleep problems persist despite trying these strategies
Sleep issues significantly impact your daily functioning
You experience symptoms of sleep disorders (loud snoring, gasping during sleep, excessive daytime sleepiness)
The Bottom Line
Better sleep isn't about trying harder, buying more gadgets or supplements. It's about understanding sleep as a natural process and addressing the behaviours and thoughts that interfere with it.
As someone who has spent time struggling with insomnia before discovering these evidence-based approaches, I can tell you that sleep improvement is absolutely possible. It requires patience, consistency, and often a willingness to do the opposite of what feels intuitive (like getting out of bed when you can't sleep).
Ready to transform your sleep? If you're in the struggling with persistent sleep issues, I offer personalised sleep coaching combining CBT-I techniques with nutritional and lifestyle support. Have a look at my page about sleep for more information.